Top 10 Most Outrageous Uses for Botox

All the world loves Botox, the ubiquitous wrinkle remover. But like the discovery of electricity or the Internet, people keep finding unusual -- and sometimes, off-the-wall -- uses for it.

Here’s our take on the top 10:

1. Writer’s Cramp


(nazerth photo)

Given the Internet, I don’t know who uses a pen, pencil, or clay tablet and stylus. Anyhow, the researchers managed to find 40 people suffering writer’s cramp (or maybe holding their forks too tightly) and test Botox.

And, yes, Botox can relieve the painful muscle contractions of the fingers, hand, or arm brought on by arduously applied graphomotor representation. (That’s science-speak for handwriting.) Read more.

2. Bladder Control

No, it’s not about drinking all the coffee you want on a long road trip. Some people have injuries that make it hard to recognize a full bladder. Here’s why:

Damaged muscles can send signals to the bladder at the worst of times -- like when you’re in a job interview, giving your Nobel Prize acceptance speech, during a courtroom trial, or whatever. Those errant messages cause the muscles to squeeze without warning. And although you really don’t have to go, the next thing you know, you’ve already gone.

Solution: shots of Botox to the bladder. More. (I’ve got a question for the doctors already: How long is the needle that places the Botox into the bladder muscles? And how does it get there?)

3. Sweaty Armpits


(LilGoldWmn photo)

Now here’s a no-brainer: The surgical procedure to cure overly sweaty armpits -- or, axillary hyperhidrosis, as your doctor might call it -- is no fun. Basically, the doc liposuctions some, or all, of the underarm sweat glands.

Or, you can just opt for some Botox injections every few months to paralyze the same muscles. Although nobody will see you literally sweat, the normal fear factors remain active so your heart races, you’ll have butterflies in your stomach, your eyes dart around and your brain probably goes blank at exactly the wrong time, too. But at least you will not drip with perspiration. Read more about Botox in the armpits.

4. Sweaty Palms



What could be worse than shaking hands with somebody and sensing you are gripping a clammy, warm washcloth? While there are no surgical options for removing sweat glands in the palms, Botox again works nicely to dry things out here as well. (Remember, we make up nothing, here.) More.

5. Sagging Breasts

Being a connoisseur of all things plastic surgery, you have already read everything known to humankind about breast augmentation. But if you or your partner do not want any sharp instruments near milady’s bosom, haul out the Botox.

The technique may not be ready for prime time, but several doctors are offering breast enhancement via Botox. Unfortunately, it wears off after a couple of months, returning those, ah, augmented areas to their pre-Botox state. Read more.


6. Facial Scars


Six-year-old child with four-year-old
dog bite scar on right cheek after three
scar reduction procedures.
(Ben Lee, M.D., photo)

Been to war or in a lot of fist fights? Divorced, maybe? If so, you may be interested in knowing how Botox can lessen facial scars.

Researchers at the Mayo (no, it does not refer to mayonnaise!) Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, tested Botox on 31 patients with facial scars.

Half received the real deal while the other half received injections of salt water as a placebo. Plastic surgeons then rated the wounds’ appearance on a one to 10 scale, where a one would equal Frankenstein and Christian Bale would get a 10. Read more.

Results? The Botox group scored 8.9 compared to the saline group which only scored 7.1. I would personally go with salt water -- it’s almost as effective and a heck of a lot cheaper. But that’s just me.

The researchers actually want the more expensive brand, the Botox, applied to scars when they are first created. Now, that’s okay for surgery but if you go to war, get in fights or slug it out in divorce court, what are you supposed to do? Carry emergency vials of Botox?

7. Lifting Aging Eyebrows


(brbankston photo)

When eyebrows have been around awhile and start to droop, they can make their owner look older and angrier, although the person may be thinking the most gentle of thoughts. Normally, fallen eyebrows require the skills of a cosmetic surgery procedure to look vigorous again.

But Corey Maas, M.D., an associate professor and chief of the division of facial plastic surgery at the University of California, San Francisco, lead a study that revealed drooping eyebrows can be treated with Botox.

Of course, there’s never a free lunch.

“With surgery, eyebrows can be lifted for 10 to 20 years,” says Dr. Maas. “But Botox results in sagging eyebrows that can last three to six months.” Read more.

8. Voice Tremors

Imagine this: you are trying to explain to a judge why you sped through a stop sign. Or your boss wants to know why you took the day off because you thought Halloween was a holiday. Maybe your wife wants an explanation about how your secretary’s lipstick and perfume got on your white shirt.

In all those stressed situations, your voice tends to shake and quiver. And rightfully so! You’ve been busted! How do you talk your way clear of these messes? Well, it helps a lot if whatever you say is in a voice that is clear, steady and without shaking.

You better really need the help because it requires an injection of Botox into the vocal cords. Read more about the testing.

9. Rejuvenate Sagging Necks


Surgical correction of a sagging neck.
(Robert Kotler, M.D. photo)

Usually, a sagging neck needs surgical attention. (Read more about the surgical fix for necks.) But some surgeons are using Botox to reduce the lines, rings and turkey gobbler necks. Read more.


10. Removing Wrinkles from Shar-pei Dogs


A Shar-pei puppy. Massive wrinkles at only 8 weeks! Is life unfair or what?
(beverlytaz photo)


Of course, it’s only done in the most posh regions of the nation, like Beverly Hills, Manhattan, and Miami Beach.

But many owners of Chinese Shar-pei dogs, like the one shown above, take their purebred canines to special Botox canine clinics where the dogs receive sufficient amounts of the wrinkle removers to get a completely smooth, unfurrowed coat.

I mean, it makes sense! Why would a wealthy 70-year-old who looks 40 want a dog with massive wrinkles? And is it fair that a creature under one year of age should suffer severe wrinkling long before his or her time?

(Okay, you’re not buying this; well, we did wing that last one, but the other nine are 100 percent true. Honest!)

NEXT: Plastic Surgery Games You Can Play Online.

Plastic Surgery Poll

Which is NOT the Real Plastic Surgery Procedure?

Of the procedures listed below, five are real and one is bogus. Leave your answers in the comment box below. Test Your Plastic Surgery Knowledge!

(1) “Bird Poop” Facial

A high-end New York City spa has come up with a way to rejuvenate delicate facial skin -- and without painful surgery. You’ve probably heard that sales pitch before, but master aesthetician Shizuka Bernstein is offering the Geisha Facial.

The concoction is made from several Japanese ingredients, held together with heavy doses of Nightingale droppings. (In Japan, it’s an ancient, time-honored ingredient known as “Uguisu no Fun.”) The treatment is being referred to as the “Bird Poop” Facial by the few who have actually had it smeared, er, that is, I mean applied and the thousands who stand by -- at a distance -- and watch in amazement.

(2) Breast Implants for the Lips

For years, surgeons have implanted empty breast implants in the chests of bosom-challenged women and then filled them with saline after the devices were securely nested inside the patient’s chest. Then, the implants were filled to a size that fits the patient’s frame, bone structure and wishes.

So why not do the same thing to make lips larger and more luscious?

Surgeons can now implant a tiny little saline bag in the lips and, then working through equally tiny filler tubes, fill the implants with just enough saline to make those smackers truly kissable.

(3) Water Jet Liposuction

You would have to travel to Thailand, but a new way to remove fat from those stubborn pockets of flab is blasting it away with powerful jets of water. One of the chief benefits is that no heat is produced inside the body, according to the owners of the SP Clinic in Bangkok, Thailand. Just think of the device as an internal Water Pik for liposuction.

(4) ScarArt Hides Surgical Scars

Have a tummy tuck scar that runs across your lower stomach or perhaps a scar left from a C-Section, but still want to look sharp in a bikini? A new temporary tattoo, designed by a woman for other women, allows you to slap on a waterproof, smear-proof, and extremely colorful tat to hide that pesky scar. It lasts three days.

(5) Robotic Breast Augmentation

It doesn’t have anything to do with a clanking, whirring automaton doing surgery on its own. But, it’s possible for a surgeon sitting at a console to perform breast enhancement by giving instructions to extremely slim robotic hands.

The chief benefit is that the robot has the steadiest “hands” known and works through extremely tiny openings in the patient’s skin.

(6) The “Earlobe Job”

While almost every other part of the human body can have its drooping, sagging or shriveling parts rejuvenated, medical science has somehow missed the earlobes.

The problem? After decades of supporting dangling, swaying earrings that usually weigh a little less than a VW, aging earlobes become stretched and can sway and flop around like the ears on a blood hound. What woman wants earlobes sitting on her shoulders? Totally ruins the effect of a spaghetti strap dress!

Solution? Lobe Pumping. Just a syringe full of a facial filler like Restylane does the job for the short haul.

Of course, Restylane wears off in about nine months. For really severe cases, patients should see their plastic surgeon about surgical earlobe reduction.

Which is NOT the Real Plastic Surgery Procedure?

…Check back soon to see if you know which plastic surgery procedure is false!

Docs Study Tattoos - And Who Hates 'em

A Texas researcher surveyed 196 people who went to dermatologic clinics for tattoo removal. Results? People who want their tats removed are more likely to be women than men. They want the skin markings removed because others make nasty cracks about the tattoos, which were jeered in some (READ: high paying) work locations.

The 66 men and 130 women from the survey first got the tattoos at age 20 because:

• 44 percent wanted to feel unique
• 33 percent wanted to show independence
• 28 percent wanted some life experience to stand out
• 21 percent wanted to mark a special occasion like a birthday, marriage or their newly found independence.

A tattoo with a breast implant. It was later removed.
(photo by Lane Jensen)

The researchers next asked the subjects why they wanted the tattoos taken off between ages 24 and 39.

Here’s what they said:

• 57 percent were embarrassed
• 38 percent said it lowered their body image
• 37 percent cited problems with clothes revealing the tattoo
• 25 percent felt singled out

(Note: totals do not equal 100 because some study respondents marked multiple reasons.)

Read more about the study.

Top 10 Plastic Surgery Discounts
If you are interested in the costs of plastic surgery but concerned about spending too much, check out an article that has plastic surgeons telling how to wheedle a discount from your plastic surgeon.

Discounts are available on the family and group plan, during slow seasons, if one patient has multiple procedures, if you pay by check or in cash and if you are willing to wait to have surgery on a stand-by basis. More.

Sarah Jessica Parker’s Missing Mole

It’s not as exciting, say, as the “Did Hillary Clinton may have plastic surgery?” debate, but mole removal is a huge topic among devotees of plastic surgery. The Internet is searched thousands of times daily for practitioners who know their way around laser mole removal, along with the other removal techniques.

So when Sarah Jessica Parker, star of “Sex and the City,” had that BB-size mole taken off her chin. The only real question is: why now?

New York Observer writer Rex Reed once observed: “That growth on her face just gets bigger with every close-up, and in the full-length movie version of ‘Sex and the City,’ it’s so distracting you can’t concentrate on anything else. It’s not a beauty mark.” More.


Sarah Jessica Parker’s mole, left, and after its removal.
(Zuma Press.com/AP photo)

Swedish Woman Marries the Berlin Wall

While we are featuring June brides, undying love, and weddings, we could not help but notice the following headline:

Swedish Woman Marries the Berlin Wall

Well, okay, you’re hearing a lot right now about June brides because, well, it’s June!

And we blog about it here because everybody who gets married or falls in love wants to look good for the object of their affection and often take advantage of rejuvenation surgery.

But love, and those ensuing nuptials, can take many forms.

Moreover, it’s not always a guy and a gal that marry. For instance, you may be reading a lot about gay and lesbian marriages becoming legal in California. And some people afflicted with a strange new obsession known as objectophilia, become fascinated over, fall in love with, and even marry inanimate objects.

Like Eija-Riitta Elkoef-Mauer, a Swedish woman who first visited the Berlin Wall in 1979. She legally changed her name to “Berliner-Mauer” (German for “Berlin Wall”) after visiting six times and then declaring herself legally wedded to the concrete and barbed wire structure. And, yes, she was just crushed (no, not literally) when the wall came tumbling down. Read more.


Berlin Wall before its (his?) nuptials.
(Stefan photo)

On her website, the bereft Eija explains: “My husband’s job was to divide East and West Berlin. He’s retired now.”

Meanwhile, a woman in Germany whom Spiegel Magazine will only identify as Sandy K., claims to have fallen in love with New York City’s World Trade Center Twin Towers when she was eight years old. (Why is it distant things are often so-o-o-o- much more attractive?) And Sandy, too, felt let down on 9-11. She didn’t even have a chance to get engaged.


The former World Trade Center in the background in New York City
(New York Tourist Authority photo)

The Canvas blogger observes a plot line about objectophilia was used in T.V’s Boston Legal when one of the lawyers mentioned he had a client who had been in love with an electricity switch box. And one blogger Storyteller mentions a woman who was so attracted to a new ‘fridge that she wanted to get intimate with it. (If you have any technical questions about that, please hesitate to ask. I can’t figure it out either.)

Despite a dearth of weddings, objectophilia is probably a real phenomenon because there is even a movie, Lars and the Real Girl, about a lonely but sensitive man who falls head over heels for a mail-order, inflatable doll.

Well, love may conquer all but it sure won’t provide plastic surgery for that love interest! Hey, she’s already plastic! Besides, she doesn’t heal well. There’s also a priest in the movie who often smiles indulgently at the 27-year-old who totes around the plastic love doll. But we won’t give away the surprise ending!


Lars and his significant, inflatable, other. A more attractive match
than with the Berlin Wall, huh?
(Amazon.com photo)

We were curious if maybe these people get their noses fixed to look better to their significant others? Then again, the ‘fridge (or wall, building or electric box) doesn’t care if your nose is long or short. As far as I can tell, those items don’t care about anything.

But hey, this obsession is really not so strange, after all. If you see the motion picture version of Sex and the City, you’ll find four seemingly sane professional women who have raised footwear to the level of passionate desire. And what about Imelda Marcos? Didn’t she have something like 97 zillion pairs of shoes?


(Squidonius photo)

Next: Top 10 Weird Uses for Botox

June Weddings: Plastic Surgery’s Time to Shine

Liposuction and Breast Augmentation for Brides!
Facial Plastic Surgery for Mothers of the Brides!



Who is this woman and why is she pictured here?

Okay, we have joked around a lot, pulled your leg a little and brought you a ton of off-the-wall items about plastic and cosmetic surgery.

But now we bring you something that remains very much on-the-wall, as well as a serious matter to the 2.2 million* weddings that will take place in 2008: it is the…hold for trumpets sounding in the background... June wedding!

Plastic Surgery

Many wedding planners are recommending adding into the already astronomical budget for the nuptials an allowance for plastic surgery procedures, even if it’s only a vial or two of Botox. The average U.S. wedding now costs $28,000* and that’s before any surgical rejuvenations.

But don’t take my word for it. Read more about how plastic surgery has become as huge of an issue as…the wedding dress?

Back to the woman pictured above. She is Lynn Plante. Official title: Mother of the Bride. She and thousands like her are so feared and respected that even tough Mafia dons quake in their patent leathers. Woe betide he or she who crosses the Mother of the Bride and the planning of The Wedding!

Lynn is actually a brave, brave woman because she is undergoing four plastic surgery procedures so that she can look her best in her daughter’s wedding pictures which will be taken on July 18, 2008. Providing everything goes according to plan, that is. (READ: Nobody gets cold feet!)

Like General Eisenhower, who planned and oversaw the D-Day invasion, any Mother of the Bride oversees and plans an operation equally as complex. No wonder she looks worried!

The Cost of Plastic Surgery

Here’s another tidbit that tells you what a remarkable woman Lynn is: Over many years, Lynn has saved just a little from each paycheck to put toward the cost of plastic surgery, just so she can look her best at the wedding. After all, wedding pictures are handed down for generations, you know.

Anyhow, we’ll follow Lynn and the approaching Big Day while bringing you up to date on her continually improving appearance. Lynn only admits to being “in her late 50s,” so we will see how her appearance improves. Will she look 40ish in the wedding pictures? Refreshed? Rested? Younger than the Bride, maybe?


Emily Cannon on The Big Day
(Photo, Courtesy of Emily Cannon)

Read how a plastic surgeon saved the day when Emily Cannon’s breast augmentation came undone – resulting in a condition often referred to as a “uniboob” – just before her wedding.

Meanwhile: here’s my favorite wedding toast from the last (and I do mean last!) time I got married:

“Here’s to the Bride, Here’s to the Groom, Here’s to the Mother-in-law!
Let’s just hope there’s never a need for an attorney-at-law!”

--Old Irish Wedding Toast

And my favorite advice about weddings comes from actor Mickey Rooney, who walked down the aisle eight times:

“Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day!”


*Statistics, courtesy of The Wedding Report, Inc.

Top 10 Most Outrageous Plastic Surgery Items

In any new industry, many novelty items are developed early, and quickly put into use by adoring fans and then go the way of the Dodo bird.

For instance, cars once had little ovens attached to their exhaust manifolds for cooking while you travel. When steam powered cars were popular, just after the turn of the 19th century, one thoughtful auto maker installed a steam-powered organ as a pricey option in the backseat.

But, alas, roadside restaurants came into vogue, eliminating the need for cooking while driving and car radios made any type of traveling musical instrument unneeded.

You can find the same trend taking place in rejuvenation surgery worldwide.

So, if you don’t look quick, these top 10 plastic surgery novelty items may be gone before you know it:

1. Breast Massage Robot

(Inventorspot.com illustration.)

Its purpose doesn’t seem real clear, but this machine from China purports to automatically massage the breasts of the person sitting in it. One of its supposed uses is to relieve the post-op pain associated with breast augmentation.

2.Cool Mask

(Aqueduct Medical photo)

Sure, you could do the job with a bag of frozen peas flopped on rejuvenated eyelids or a freshly lifted mid-face, but it’s much cooler -- both stylistically and thermally -- to circulate cold water through a high-tech device to remove any surgical sting. Besides that, what’s wrong with going incognito? Do you want everybody to know about your surgery? The incognito thing apparently worked well for Zorro and the “Phantom of the Opera”; let’s just hope bank robbers don’t start using them!

3.Patented Baldness Technique

(Inventorspot.com illustration)

Another invention registered in the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office lays claim to the technique we now know as the “combover” to conceal baldness. Sure, you could call it The Donald Trump, but that name is also trademarked and copyright protected. And woe betide he or she who misuses that moniker! The Donald would hire you just for the pleasure of firing you!

4.Traveling Hair Scrap Book

(Academy of Natural Sciences photo)

While we’re on the topic of hair, one thing every school child has always wanted to see: 200-year-old locks of hair from the first 12 U.S. presidents. Those snippets were taken long before anybody ever thought of hair restoration or, apparently, hair dye. For instance, George Washington’s sample is brown-gray, while Thomas Jefferson’s locks are reddish-gray. Titles weren’t exactly nailed down yet either. The second U.S. president was known as “His Excellency, John Adams.” Monroe, John Quincy Adams, and Jackson were also “His Excellencies.”

5.Roll CIT device

(Des Fernandes, M.D. photo)

If you perceive this to be a shrunken model of the lawn device that rolls across your grass to create drainage holes, you’ve got the concept. But this gizmo is approved for home use; you just roll this across your face as it is slathered with some vitamin A and other minerals. The Roll CIT (“Collagen Induction Therapy”) apparently replaces the need for chemical peels, dermabrasion or laser ablation. The device makes hundreds of tiny needle holes to allow fresh collagen to flow to the surface, thereby removing sun damages, fine lines, wrinkles, acne scars, and other facial marring.

6.Vacuum Pump Breast Augmentation

(Daily Mirror photo)

Above, notice we’ve carefully airbrushed the model’s actual, ah, mammary glands to make this fit for family viewing. The vacuum device -- basically two plastic domes connected to a suction machine --- claims it can replace surgical breast enlargement. But you had better have some time on your hands. Apparently, all m’lady has to do is wear it for 10 hours a day for 10 weeks. Presto! A/B cups morph into C/D cups, sans knife, surgeon, recovery period, or great expense. And not to worry! It’s all connected to a micro computer that won’t make you too large. The system is advertised in Britain at 790 pounds, which amounts to $1,539 U.S. smackers. Read more.

7.Lip Pumper

Not only Hans and Franz from the old Saturday Night Live “vanted to pump you up.” Yet another plastic surgery device -- pictured above -- claims it can pump up your actual kissers. And you don’t have to use it for 10 hours a day to get lip augmentation!

8.Breast Implants for Tattoos

(Remember, we are not making this up.) But the leading technique of getting real curves for his tattoo of a woman, turned out to be -- no pun intended -- a bust. Seems a non-surgeon put the tiny implants under the tattoo but left behind some nasty superbugs that created a raging infection. Plus, one of the implants, not having much wiggle room, broke under the skin. Result? More infection! Kinda makes you think Dodo birds have not really gone away.

9.The Plastic Surgery Freeway

The Beverly Hills Freeway has been built to ease and speed the flow of traffic in and through Beverly Hills (the world Mecca of Plastic Surgery.) So, while you’re zipping along at 70 mph, you can easily see the names of some of the city’s favorite off-ramps, like “Tummy Tuck Drive” and “Liposuction Place.” Most people just call it the Plastic Surgery Freeway.

Okay, thanks for bearing with us but you’ve been had! (It’s really a picture of a refrigerator magnet.) While everything else here is 100 percent true, we did make this one up. However, do you think it’s possible that someday we might build a Plastic Surgery Freeways in other hot spots like Miami, Manhattan, Brazil, Korea, Nashville, and Columbus, Ohio?

10.Plastic Surgery Glue

Why go see a plastic surgeon when you can just pick up some droopy or wrinkled skin and glue it in back in place? (Is this for real?) And, hey, don’t you just love that it works to the last drop? I always get so miffed when that final drop of anything lets go!