Swedish Woman Marries the Berlin Wall

While we are featuring June brides, undying love, and weddings, we could not help but notice the following headline:

Swedish Woman Marries the Berlin Wall

Well, okay, you’re hearing a lot right now about June brides because, well, it’s June!

And we blog about it here because everybody who gets married or falls in love wants to look good for the object of their affection and often take advantage of rejuvenation surgery.

But love, and those ensuing nuptials, can take many forms.

Moreover, it’s not always a guy and a gal that marry. For instance, you may be reading a lot about gay and lesbian marriages becoming legal in California. And some people afflicted with a strange new obsession known as objectophilia, become fascinated over, fall in love with, and even marry inanimate objects.

Like Eija-Riitta Elkoef-Mauer, a Swedish woman who first visited the Berlin Wall in 1979. She legally changed her name to “Berliner-Mauer” (German for “Berlin Wall”) after visiting six times and then declaring herself legally wedded to the concrete and barbed wire structure. And, yes, she was just crushed (no, not literally) when the wall came tumbling down. Read more.


Berlin Wall before its (his?) nuptials.
(Stefan photo)

On her website, the bereft Eija explains: “My husband’s job was to divide East and West Berlin. He’s retired now.”

Meanwhile, a woman in Germany whom Spiegel Magazine will only identify as Sandy K., claims to have fallen in love with New York City’s World Trade Center Twin Towers when she was eight years old. (Why is it distant things are often so-o-o-o- much more attractive?) And Sandy, too, felt let down on 9-11. She didn’t even have a chance to get engaged.


The former World Trade Center in the background in New York City
(New York Tourist Authority photo)

The Canvas blogger observes a plot line about objectophilia was used in T.V’s Boston Legal when one of the lawyers mentioned he had a client who had been in love with an electricity switch box. And one blogger Storyteller mentions a woman who was so attracted to a new ‘fridge that she wanted to get intimate with it. (If you have any technical questions about that, please hesitate to ask. I can’t figure it out either.)

Despite a dearth of weddings, objectophilia is probably a real phenomenon because there is even a movie, Lars and the Real Girl, about a lonely but sensitive man who falls head over heels for a mail-order, inflatable doll.

Well, love may conquer all but it sure won’t provide plastic surgery for that love interest! Hey, she’s already plastic! Besides, she doesn’t heal well. There’s also a priest in the movie who often smiles indulgently at the 27-year-old who totes around the plastic love doll. But we won’t give away the surprise ending!


Lars and his significant, inflatable, other. A more attractive match
than with the Berlin Wall, huh?
(Amazon.com photo)

We were curious if maybe these people get their noses fixed to look better to their significant others? Then again, the ‘fridge (or wall, building or electric box) doesn’t care if your nose is long or short. As far as I can tell, those items don’t care about anything.

But hey, this obsession is really not so strange, after all. If you see the motion picture version of Sex and the City, you’ll find four seemingly sane professional women who have raised footwear to the level of passionate desire. And what about Imelda Marcos? Didn’t she have something like 97 zillion pairs of shoes?


(Squidonius photo)

Next: Top 10 Weird Uses for Botox

June Weddings: Plastic Surgery’s Time to Shine

Liposuction and Breast Augmentation for Brides!
Facial Plastic Surgery for Mothers of the Brides!



Who is this woman and why is she pictured here?

Okay, we have joked around a lot, pulled your leg a little and brought you a ton of off-the-wall items about plastic and cosmetic surgery.

But now we bring you something that remains very much on-the-wall, as well as a serious matter to the 2.2 million* weddings that will take place in 2008: it is the…hold for trumpets sounding in the background... June wedding!

Plastic Surgery

Many wedding planners are recommending adding into the already astronomical budget for the nuptials an allowance for plastic surgery procedures, even if it’s only a vial or two of Botox. The average U.S. wedding now costs $28,000* and that’s before any surgical rejuvenations.

But don’t take my word for it. Read more about how plastic surgery has become as huge of an issue as…the wedding dress?

Back to the woman pictured above. She is Lynn Plante. Official title: Mother of the Bride. She and thousands like her are so feared and respected that even tough Mafia dons quake in their patent leathers. Woe betide he or she who crosses the Mother of the Bride and the planning of The Wedding!

Lynn is actually a brave, brave woman because she is undergoing four plastic surgery procedures so that she can look her best in her daughter’s wedding pictures which will be taken on July 18, 2008. Providing everything goes according to plan, that is. (READ: Nobody gets cold feet!)

Like General Eisenhower, who planned and oversaw the D-Day invasion, any Mother of the Bride oversees and plans an operation equally as complex. No wonder she looks worried!

The Cost of Plastic Surgery

Here’s another tidbit that tells you what a remarkable woman Lynn is: Over many years, Lynn has saved just a little from each paycheck to put toward the cost of plastic surgery, just so she can look her best at the wedding. After all, wedding pictures are handed down for generations, you know.

Anyhow, we’ll follow Lynn and the approaching Big Day while bringing you up to date on her continually improving appearance. Lynn only admits to being “in her late 50s,” so we will see how her appearance improves. Will she look 40ish in the wedding pictures? Refreshed? Rested? Younger than the Bride, maybe?


Emily Cannon on The Big Day
(Photo, Courtesy of Emily Cannon)

Read how a plastic surgeon saved the day when Emily Cannon’s breast augmentation came undone – resulting in a condition often referred to as a “uniboob” – just before her wedding.

Meanwhile: here’s my favorite wedding toast from the last (and I do mean last!) time I got married:

“Here’s to the Bride, Here’s to the Groom, Here’s to the Mother-in-law!
Let’s just hope there’s never a need for an attorney-at-law!”

--Old Irish Wedding Toast

And my favorite advice about weddings comes from actor Mickey Rooney, who walked down the aisle eight times:

“Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day!”


*Statistics, courtesy of The Wedding Report, Inc.

Top 10 Most Outrageous Plastic Surgery Items

In any new industry, many novelty items are developed early, and quickly put into use by adoring fans and then go the way of the Dodo bird.

For instance, cars once had little ovens attached to their exhaust manifolds for cooking while you travel. When steam powered cars were popular, just after the turn of the 19th century, one thoughtful auto maker installed a steam-powered organ as a pricey option in the backseat.

But, alas, roadside restaurants came into vogue, eliminating the need for cooking while driving and car radios made any type of traveling musical instrument unneeded.

You can find the same trend taking place in rejuvenation surgery worldwide.

So, if you don’t look quick, these top 10 plastic surgery novelty items may be gone before you know it:

1. Breast Massage Robot

(Inventorspot.com illustration.)

Its purpose doesn’t seem real clear, but this machine from China purports to automatically massage the breasts of the person sitting in it. One of its supposed uses is to relieve the post-op pain associated with breast augmentation.

2.Cool Mask

(Aqueduct Medical photo)

Sure, you could do the job with a bag of frozen peas flopped on rejuvenated eyelids or a freshly lifted mid-face, but it’s much cooler -- both stylistically and thermally -- to circulate cold water through a high-tech device to remove any surgical sting. Besides that, what’s wrong with going incognito? Do you want everybody to know about your surgery? The incognito thing apparently worked well for Zorro and the “Phantom of the Opera”; let’s just hope bank robbers don’t start using them!

3.Patented Baldness Technique

(Inventorspot.com illustration)

Another invention registered in the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office lays claim to the technique we now know as the “combover” to conceal baldness. Sure, you could call it The Donald Trump, but that name is also trademarked and copyright protected. And woe betide he or she who misuses that moniker! The Donald would hire you just for the pleasure of firing you!

4.Traveling Hair Scrap Book

(Academy of Natural Sciences photo)

While we’re on the topic of hair, one thing every school child has always wanted to see: 200-year-old locks of hair from the first 12 U.S. presidents. Those snippets were taken long before anybody ever thought of hair restoration or, apparently, hair dye. For instance, George Washington’s sample is brown-gray, while Thomas Jefferson’s locks are reddish-gray. Titles weren’t exactly nailed down yet either. The second U.S. president was known as “His Excellency, John Adams.” Monroe, John Quincy Adams, and Jackson were also “His Excellencies.”

5.Roll CIT device

(Des Fernandes, M.D. photo)

If you perceive this to be a shrunken model of the lawn device that rolls across your grass to create drainage holes, you’ve got the concept. But this gizmo is approved for home use; you just roll this across your face as it is slathered with some vitamin A and other minerals. The Roll CIT (“Collagen Induction Therapy”) apparently replaces the need for chemical peels, dermabrasion or laser ablation. The device makes hundreds of tiny needle holes to allow fresh collagen to flow to the surface, thereby removing sun damages, fine lines, wrinkles, acne scars, and other facial marring.

6.Vacuum Pump Breast Augmentation

(Daily Mirror photo)

Above, notice we’ve carefully airbrushed the model’s actual, ah, mammary glands to make this fit for family viewing. The vacuum device -- basically two plastic domes connected to a suction machine --- claims it can replace surgical breast enlargement. But you had better have some time on your hands. Apparently, all m’lady has to do is wear it for 10 hours a day for 10 weeks. Presto! A/B cups morph into C/D cups, sans knife, surgeon, recovery period, or great expense. And not to worry! It’s all connected to a micro computer that won’t make you too large. The system is advertised in Britain at 790 pounds, which amounts to $1,539 U.S. smackers. Read more.

7.Lip Pumper

Not only Hans and Franz from the old Saturday Night Live “vanted to pump you up.” Yet another plastic surgery device -- pictured above -- claims it can pump up your actual kissers. And you don’t have to use it for 10 hours a day to get lip augmentation!

8.Breast Implants for Tattoos

(Remember, we are not making this up.) But the leading technique of getting real curves for his tattoo of a woman, turned out to be -- no pun intended -- a bust. Seems a non-surgeon put the tiny implants under the tattoo but left behind some nasty superbugs that created a raging infection. Plus, one of the implants, not having much wiggle room, broke under the skin. Result? More infection! Kinda makes you think Dodo birds have not really gone away.

9.The Plastic Surgery Freeway

The Beverly Hills Freeway has been built to ease and speed the flow of traffic in and through Beverly Hills (the world Mecca of Plastic Surgery.) So, while you’re zipping along at 70 mph, you can easily see the names of some of the city’s favorite off-ramps, like “Tummy Tuck Drive” and “Liposuction Place.” Most people just call it the Plastic Surgery Freeway.

Okay, thanks for bearing with us but you’ve been had! (It’s really a picture of a refrigerator magnet.) While everything else here is 100 percent true, we did make this one up. However, do you think it’s possible that someday we might build a Plastic Surgery Freeways in other hot spots like Miami, Manhattan, Brazil, Korea, Nashville, and Columbus, Ohio?

10.Plastic Surgery Glue

Why go see a plastic surgeon when you can just pick up some droopy or wrinkled skin and glue it in back in place? (Is this for real?) And, hey, don’t you just love that it works to the last drop? I always get so miffed when that final drop of anything lets go!

Top Medical News of the World

Dementia in the Family? Get a Tummy Tuck!

Now, nobody ever said the way to prevent a case of Alzheimer’s later on in life is to rush out and get a tummy tuck . But it might improve the odds of keeping all, well okay, most of your marbles as an old timer.

Here’s how scientists found that belly fat can put bats in your belfry:

Kaiser Permanente in Northern California studied 6,583 of its patients and measured their stomachs between 1964 and 1973 when the study group was 40 to 45 years old.

Three decades later, the researchers went back and measured the same subjects’:

• Waist sizes
• Dementia rates

(SXC Photo)

Results? People with large bellies were 2.6 times more likely to develop dementia than people with a normal waist size. And the news got worse as study group stomachs grew larger. Obese study subjects with really large bellies -- on the order of a Santa Claus belly -- were 3.6 times more like to go bonkers as an old person.

Conclusion? Other than dieting and regular, hard exercise (whew! I get exhausted just thinking about it!). The only other way to cut down on belly fat seems to be via a tummy tuck (“abdominoplasty”).

Actually, most guys would consider the procedure if it were known as a “gut tuck” or maybe a “gut check.” There’s just something too delicate about the word “tummy.” Can you imagine anybody referring to the “beer gut” as a “beer tummy?” I should say not! It takes many years of dedicated, hard work to create a beer gut!

Obesity and Bad Breath

The bad news for overweight people never seems to end.

If being driven crazy by a little flab isn’t bad enough, Israeli researchers have found that obesity can cause bad breath, too. It’s sorta the same old story: take a group of people, study them and compare who’s got what. In this case, a study of 88 people found that the most overweight also suffered complaints about stinky breath! Nobody seems to know why yet. Maybe a tummy tuck fixes the bad breath thing, too! Read more.

Sleepy? Get a Nose Job!

Daytime sleepiness is a huge problem. Just check out living rooms at 9 in the evening and count the number of snoozers in front of a blaring T.V. Lack of z’s has also been blamed on a number of disasters from Three Mile Island to the Exxon Valdez oil spill to a massive failing of freshman English every year at most colleges and universities. (Well, okay, the colleges and universities, I attended, anyhow!)


(SXC photo)

Researchers in Taiwan studied 51 patients with symptoms of daytime sleepiness. The researchers accessed the patients a month before and three months after surgery. They found a significant drop in the rates of daytime sleepiness and blocked nasal airways.

Attention wives! Here’s the really good news: Most of the subjects also quit snoring!

One of the first things a plastic surgeon will do if you go in for a nose job will be to check on how well you breathe through your nose. Read more about sleepiness and having a nasal surgery.

Top Ten “No-No” Herbs in Plastic Surgery

So you’re going in for a nip ‘n’ tuck to rejuvenate some sagging, drooping whatevers. Good for you! It will help you look and feel better.

But before you go under the knife, here’s a pearl of wisdom. (Not from me, of course; the information comes from some very smart doctors!)

Did you know that taking herbs can cause trouble during your surgery?

Sure, herbs are 100% natural but, hey, so are snake bites! And, to borrow a line from George Carlin, any time you’re talking about snake venom, all you need to know is: it’s bad for ya!

Insider hint: never confuse the word “safe” with “natural.”

Insider hint number 2: no known herb can create a breast augmentation, a face lift or remove fat from your body. But you’ll see tons of ads that promise just that. (Read more about overblown ads in cosmetic plastic surgery).

Turns out herbs are powerful medicines that vary in strength depending on if you consume the leaf or the root and the time of year the herb was picked.


Herb medley
SXC Photo

We mention all this because Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery, the leading professional journal for plastic surgeons, recently found that 55 percent of plastic surgery patients use herbs while only 24 percent of the general public take them. Read more.

You want to quit any herb at least several weeks before your surgery, according to top plastic surgeons Robert Kotler, M.D. in Beverly Hills and New Mexico plastic surgeon Patrick Hudson, M.D.

Surgeons bellyache because patients often forget to mention the herbs they take, thinking it makes no difference to their medical histories. And then things can get complicated or go south in the operating room (O.R.) when other meds interact with the herbs.

Here’s the list of verboten herbs before your plastic surgery procedure

1. Ginseng

Used to enhance energy levels, ginseng in the O.R. can cause high blood pressure or a racing heart if combined with some of the medicines used by the anesthesiologist. Ginseng can also slow blood clotting.


Sweet herbs
(Bura photo)

2. Ephedra (aka ma huang)

Consumed in many diet aids, ephedra increases blood pressure and, during surgery, may increase it too much when combined with common medicines.

3. St. John’s Wort

Used to treat depression and anxiety, St John’s Wort can prolong the effects of some narcotics and anesthetics. It also interacts with Demerol, a prescription pain reliever.

4. Ginko Biloba

Taken to increase circulation, ginko can cause excess bleeding in the operating room.

5. Feverfew

Often used to treat migraines, feverfew can also increase bleeding during surgery.

6. Garlic

Usually taken to lower blood fat levels, garlic can also cause too much bleeding during an operation.


Garlic chives
(jkingsbeer photo)

7. Licorice

Many people with stomach woes take licorice. But during surgery, it can cause liver problems and water retention.

8. Glucosamine

Consumed to ease joint distress, glucosamine contains chemical elements that mimic human insulin and may cause high blood sugar while you are under the knife.

9. Chondroitin

Often taken as a folk remedy for bone arthritis, chondroitin can cause excess bleeding if combined with doctor-prescribed blood thinning medications.

10. Valerian

Valerian acts as a mild sedative when you take it at home. But in the operating room, it can increase the effect of anesthesia and cause a deeper sleep.

Other herbs often mentioned in the same breath as “surgical complications” include echinacea, glucosamine, goldenseal, melatonin, kava and milk thistle.

Just remember: herbs. It’s bad for ya!

What’s Your Favorite Herb?

NEXT: Top Ten Fat-Sucking Tunes

Does Computer Gaming = Top Plastic Surgery Skills?

It’s true! According to a new study, if you are a whiz at video games, you may make a better surgeon…at least the type of surgeon who performs “keyhole” surgery.

Keyhole surgery? What is that? Some kind of surgery by locksmiths?


“Keyhole” surgery
keyhole.uk.co. photo

Nope, it’s a type of surgery done through an opening in the skin as tiny as a keyhole. It’s a delicate type of work because you have to watch what you’re doing inside the body on a television monitor. (Read about the top 8 “keyhole surgeries” used in plastic surgery.)

But if you are into shooting games, join the Army Rangers instead and forget about surgery. These computer skills obviously lead to a helping profession.

Here’s how they found out about it: Scientists at Beth Israel Medical Center in New York City studied 33 surgeons who actually had to audition for the test by playing three different video games for up to 25 minutes. (We’re not making this up; read the actual scientific report.)


Today, video games!
Tomorrow, operating rooms!
(Songbird photo via SXC)

Next, the testers watched each surgeon for one and one-half days while the doc was doing real surgery. Can you imagine sewing something together while watching and guiding a needle and its thread on a T.V. screen? Got a better idea now why plastic surgeons have to stay in school for so many years? (Read more about the training of plastic surgeon.)

Results? Nine young surgeons who played video games at least three hours a week made 37 percent few mistakes and worked 27 percent faster than 15 others surgeons who never played video games at all.


lapsurg.com.au photo

The same nine surgeons also scored 42 percent higher overall on the surgical tests.

The study, printed in the February, 2008, Archives of Surgery concluded: “Video games may be a practical teaching tool to help train surgeons.”

So….next time you hear a parent or teachers yell at a kid for spending too much time video gaming, tell the critic to cool it ‘cause that kid just might someday become a top surgeon!


Tell us what you have learned from playing video games!

Guys: Forget My Hair! Do my Spider Veins Instead!

A chance for more evolved males after all?

When the American Academy of Cosmetic Surgery (AACS) was rounding up annual statistics, they made an amazing discovery: The standard treatment for spider and varicose veins now ranks as the number 2 leading cosmetic dermatological surgery.

And get this: Since 2002, guys who want their spider veins removed via sclerotherapy have increased 226 percent. Women wanting the same procedure have only increased by 3.5 percent. Read more.

Why? Because more men are letting their noggins remain bald and shiny while they tackle (I just had to get an action verb in there somewhere!) their spider and varicose veins. Read more.


Spider veins -- dude version
(AAD photo)

But some skeptics note that the cost of hair transplants has increased to $1296, while sclerotherapy decreased by $103.

You don’t suppose guys are springing for the cheaper procedure, do you? If so, maybe the next entry about bald heads means more and more guys are becoming less insecure about their hair. Hey, far stranger things have happened.

For Totally Bald Heads

Among the many new products designed to spiff up personal appeal, we could not help but notice a new product, Bald Guyz, for men who have -- often by choice -- not a single strand of hair on their heads.

What does Bald Guyz do, you ask? Easy! It cleans the bare skull. Or, at least the bare skin attached to a skull shorn of its curly locks. Makes your head as smooth as a baby’s bottom, as it were.


Bald Guyz photo

And just in the nick of time!

Actually, many hair-challenged guys choose to shave their heads daily because a totally bald head is seen by some as more masculine than a state of partial baldness (think Mr. Clean and actor Yul Brenner.)

All the while, millions of others yearn with all their hearts for some hair to grace their bare pates.


Wikipedia photo

But what could a guy do? H-m-m-m-m-m-….thinking…thinking…..nope, it’s too tough; I’m stumped.

Oh wait, maybe there is something! Perhaps somebody who wants some hair on his head could…..wait for it……get a hair transplant! Lots of dermatologists and plastic and cosmetic surgeons perform the procedure. (Read more about hair transplant procedures.)

If that doesn’t work, there are always the clubs Bald R Us or Bald-Headed Men of America. Birds of a feather and all.