Shaking the Booty -- Women and Men Gone Wild

While the trend of augmenting buttocks has taken off in the United States, it has now reached the continent of Africa where they have a new reason for shakin’ it.

It all happened because of a hit song known as “Big Bottom” in the African nation, Ivory Coast.

Here’s a YouTube take on it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8dH-4T6fwpw.

Ivory Coast recording artists D.J. Mix and DJ Eloh penned a smash hit, Bobaraba, or, “Big Bottom” in the local Djoula language, intending the tune as a compliment to women with larger bottoms. So when the song plays, many women and a few more men (including macho soccer stars) crowd the dance floor to shake their respective Bobarabas.

(Nobody at the American consulate seems to know if K.C. and the Sunshine Band’s top hit, “Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake Your Booty” has been translated into Djoula.)


Authentic Bobarabas
shaking.

The trend only goes astray as more and more women try to enhance their rear ends by using cheap ($2 each) Chinese supplied vitamin B-12 shots. Unfortunately, B-12 shots only cure vitamin B-12 insufficiency. More.


Authentic, enthusiastic Bobarabas
shaking. (Bazil.Rauback.SXC photo)


Imagine what will happen when the trend reaches America where many plastic surgeons offer buttocks augmentation of the female derrière.

A conversation like this may take place in thousands of American homes:

Wife: Darling, do I look fat in this dress?

Husband: I ain’t touchin’ that question with a ten-foot pole!

Wife: No, really. If my booty isn’t “big bottom” enough, I want to get it enlarged.

Husband: What’s this going to cost me?

Wife: What’s the difference? Don’t you want me to be happy?

Husband: Happiness is having a big bottom?

Wife: Sure! You can’t really dance the Bobaraba with a skinny ol’ bottom like mine! Oh, boo-hoo, boo-hoo! (She’s thinking, “Now! Hit the waterworks!”)

Husband: How ‘bout an unlimited supply of some nice B-12 shots? (Ah-ha! So the husband has been reading the Ivory Coast news!)

Wife: Nope! I want the real thing! I want buttocks augmentation from a plastic surgeon seen on television, with his own fan club and movie star patients. (And she has been watching a lot of American television!)

Husband: Uh, well, B-12 shots are quicker. (He reads the Ivory Coast news daily.)

Wife: Oh, boo-hoo, boo-hoo. You don’t love me! You want me to have a flat bottom! (She’s thinking, “I hope this works; I can’t cry much more!”)

Husband: O.K. forget the B-12 shots. Here’s a blank check for the buttocks enlargement! (He’s thinking: “Maybe now I won’t have to spend the week end moving that 900 pound, 18-piece sectional couch all over the living room to new positions so she can have it back where it first was!”)

Attention husbands and wives: under the strict medical and scientific guidelines known as “looking before you leap,” here’s more on what buttocks augmentation is all about.

The next thing we would all like to know: who’s going to write the next hit song about shaking it in the U.S. bottoms?

Tattoo with a Breast Implant: It’s ba-a-a-a-a-ck!

We hate to say we told you so but, hey, did we not tell you so?

According to alert reader (and author) Dr. DiSaia writing in his most excellent blog Truth in Cosmetic Surgery., the man-with-the-breast-implant-tattoo-on-his-leg has suffered a medical setback.

For newer alert readers who have just signed onto our own most excellent blog, a January column here told about the top eight most far out uses ever for breast implants.

Number 7 told of a tattoo aficionado (that means he digs them a lot!) who inked a busty woman on his lower leg.

Here’s our blog post from January 9, 2008:


Above, Lane’s right leg. He is editor of
a body art and tattoo magazine in Edmonton, Alberta.

Thinking that a 2-D tat was too tame, Canadian Lane Jensen
asked a tattoo artist and wannabe surgeon to open his leg and surgically
implant tiny breast implants in the anatomically correct position of a
buxom woman tattoo. (Note: Do not try this at home. While these people were
totally untrained professionals working in a dangerous environment, they were lucky!
Lane still has his leg which is a miracle in itself!) And, hey, this is no time for quips about him being a breast-or-leg man!

(We don’t make these things up! Even if we did who could dream up a chesty leg?)

According to TMZ.com and the good Dr. DiSaia, the tiny implant burst, probably causing a nasty infection. That’s my guess judging from the angry red slash on the far left side of his leg.

Nonetheless, we wish him good health and remind him of the classic observation in Buddhism: “If you lose, don’t lose the lesson!”

I suppose the lesson here would be something along the lines of letting the pros do the surgery? “Pro,” in this case, meaning somebody who actually graduated from medical school.

The good news? He’s got his leg! So far, anyhow.

If you’re up for a story on what else can go wrong in plastic surgery, read more. (AFTER lunch, that is; the article is not what you would call appetite enhancing.)

A Gecko Foot for Incisions

Surgery helped by a lizard? Ants used for stitches?

Ever wonder how a Gecko hangs from a ceiling all day by one toe?

Turns out, if you look really, really close, a Gecko has millions of hairy, sticky thingies on the bottom of each foot that allows the creature to hang onto almost anything. It even sticks under water.


Gold dust day Gecko.

So what’s that got to do with plastic surgery, you ask? Good question.

Scientists have developed a new bandage that works the same way as a Gecko’s foot. Imagine getting some plastic surgery that has a long scar -- like a tummy tuck -- and then showing people how your skin is being held together by a bandage inspired by a lizard.

The bandage can be folded and refolded, wrapped around a hole in a bladder or used to reseal a segment of intestine after surgery. Read more.

As for ants, it gets even more weird: Certain ants have been used to suture wounds without stitches. The skin on either side of a wound is brought together and the ants induced to bite so that their jaws hold the skin together.

Then the ants are decapitated leaving their head attached with jaws clamped tight until the wound heals!

Of course, that’s mostly used in jungle medicine. Your basic plastic surgeon will probably stick to stitches and needles.

Anti-Bully Plastic Surgery

You may already know that the United Kingdom (Scotland, Wales, England and Northern Ireland) have a single, taxpayer health care system known as the National Health Service (NHS.)


(naktouf photo)

The U.K. is a very civilized place -- soccer riots notwithstanding -- so folks don’t much cotton to bullying. Also verboten is serious teasing, rude e-mail, sticking tongues out, making faces or using neiner! neiner! neiner! too forcefully. So hundreds of young bully victims have had taxpayer provided cosmetic plastic surgery -- like breast enlargement or breast reduction, nose surgery or ear pinning -- so they won’t be bugged about their looks. Read more.

The school bullies I knew in the South were so mean they would throw a drowning man both ends of a rope. Or maybe toss him a bucket of water. How to deal with them? Just remember the words of English Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli: “Courage is fire, and bullying is smoke. “

Way down South in Dolly

Dolly Parton has a nickname for her, er, generous bosom. Her inspiration?

Remember the invasion of Iraq four years ago?

When the U.S. Army and Air Force get serious about their work, they refer to hundreds of bombs going off on enemy targets as “Shock and Awe.”



Country singer Dolly Parton, always known for her huge bust, nicknamed them, not something logical like “Massive-Way-Too-Huge-for-a-Tiny-Frame-Implants” but, you guessed it, “Shock and Awe.”

I just hope no explosives are hidden in there!

(Like most Southerners, Dolly is also outspoken. She once said: “I wanted to be the first woman to burn her bra, but it would have taken the fire department four days to put it out!”)

It turns out Dolly is a-belly achin’ bout them thar huge knockers a-cause they is a-hurtin’ her pore ol’ back cuz she is a-carryin’ them big ole things ‘round the whole durn day.

(I’m allowed to mock Tennessee accents because I was born there and used to sound just like Sergeant York as a child, uh, that is, I mean, as a little bitty young-un.)


(jzlomek photo)
This is my cousin, my uncle and my
grandfather. He played the Hillbilly boy
guitar player in the movie, “Deliverance.”

Read more about ol’ Dolly: http://celebritycosmeticsurgery.blogspot.com/2008/02/dolly-partons-shock-and-awe.html

However, if you are bosom challenged, there is help. Read more about breast augmentation through the belly button!

Top Ten Crazy Data Disaster Recoveries

Can you do any worse than dropping your USB stick into a baby’s puree?

What's this? Data disasters? Hey, what’s that got to do with plastic surgery, anyhow?

Usually, not a whole lot. But I bet you are reading this on a computer and at some time in your computing life, have lost some data. (So chill. We’ll chat up some plastic surgery later. Wait until you read about Dolly Parton!)

Just like there are surgeons who can make you look better, there are “surgeons” who can pluck your lost data from whatever morass you have subjected your computer to. And with people messing up all over, the data recovery dudes do a land office business!



Yearly, Ontrack Data Recovery, a global firm headquartered in New Zealand, issues an annual list of the wacky ways people have lost computer information.

Here’s the list of the top data disasters recoveries from 2007:

10. A washing machine.

A woman dropped her USB stick into a washing machine, forgot about it and allowed the gizmo to wash, soak, spin, rinse and spin again. Oddly enough, the data stick didn’t seem to work any more. But the data geeks made sure the info was not all washed up.

9. Sticky baby goo.

A doting dad carrying his data stick in his shirt pocket leaned over and dropped it into his baby daughter’s dish of sticky apple puree. (Good thing he wasn’t changing a diaper!) The techies cleaned out the goop.

8. Man overboard!

You know how it is when you’re fishing. Long periods of nothing happening so you take along a book. One guy brought his laptop instead, but tripped and fell overboard, allowing the portable ‘puter to settle to the bottom of the lake. But the data life savers fixed it.

7. Remove the lens cap!

A professional photographer risked a large fee when he found he was using an already full chip to photograph a $40,000 wedding. The magicians at Ontrack Data fixed it before the bride got back from her honeymoon.

6. Electronic acid trip.

A scientist doing an experiment spilled acid on an external hard drive. Again, the experts pulled his supposedly burned data from the fire.

5. Put up your dukes!


(Penny Matthews photo)

An Australian businessman got into a fight with his partner. In the heat of combat, he picked up a USB stick -- containing valuable company data -- and threw it, breaking the dohickey into several pieces. But the data were recovered, anyhow.

4. Five Alarm Fire.

A business office caught on fire, destroying everything but a few CDs which melted onto the inside of their cases. It was a one-of-a kind job but the experts saved the contents of the scorched disks.

3. Quiet zone.

A British scientist became weary of a squeak in his hard drive so, employing the universal scientific deductive reasoning method, he drilled a hole in the case and poured in some oil. The bothersome noise stopped. So did the hard drive. But the experts found a way around a slippery situation.

2. Geronim-o-o-o-o-o-o!

To test a parachute, technicians rigged a camera as cargo and dropped it from a plane. But the parachute failed and broke the camera into several pieces. The recovery experts managed to put the camera’s memory stick back together, thereby recovering the parachute’s malfunction.

And, (drum roll please,) the top data disaster recovery for 2007, ta da!:

1. Pest control.



A Thai photographer found ants infecting his external hard drive. So he did the logical thing, removed the cover and sprayed the drive with insect killer. That did a deadly job on the pests and the hard drive until the data recovery people removed the little insect corpses and re-established control of the data.


What’s the wildest way you lost some computer files?

Top Ten Famous Quotes about Plastic Surgery

1. “Plastic surgeons are always making mountains out of molehills.”
Dolly Parton

2. “A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.”
Joan Rivers

3. “I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.”
Rita Rudner

4. “She got her good looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.”
Groucho Marx

5. “I definitely believe in plastic surgery. I don't want to be an old hag. There's no fun in that.”
Scarlett Johansson

6. “It wasn't a fortune. It cost me the price of one-and-a-half Hermes handbags.”
Anne Robinson
British TV personality, “Queen of Mean” on her cosmetic surgery.

7. “A press agent created the legend that I was in an air crash during the war, and my face had to be put back together by plastic surgery. Well, if it is a 'bionic face,' why didn't they do a better job?”
Jack Palance

8. “Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.”
Dorothy Parker

9. “Pretty is something you're born with. But beautiful, that's an equal opportunity adjective.”
Author Unknown

10. “I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.”
Joan Rivers